Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
