so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
