going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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