I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
