She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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