dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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