at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
