Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
