I haven't been this sober since birth.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
