he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
