so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
