I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
