it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
