there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
