Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
