Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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