Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i came on her dog
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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