Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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