well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize