My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
