I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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