I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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