real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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