That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm passing your future prison.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
