hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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