also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Randomize
