curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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