so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
