Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
