if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
