JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize