Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
