The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
