Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
