We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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