fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
