Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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