conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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