i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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