Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
