Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
