I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
