she was so not down for the gang bang
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
