fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Boobs are out for the taking
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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