you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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