Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize