I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
