then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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