my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize