Soap is not a condiment
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
