Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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