Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize