I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
