i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
