i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just gift wrapped bread.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
