You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
