found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
