is your mom at the bar?
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
