ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
