ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
