R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize