Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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