You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize