Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
