last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
