Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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