You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
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