Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
