Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Drake has all the answers
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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