So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How does it feel to date your dad?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
