people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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