Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
