My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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