omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
