I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
