I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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