It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
