It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
