your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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