I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
