So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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