I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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