Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
