the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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