Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
