I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
