he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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