Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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