He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
