People with herpes should wear stickers.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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