You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
