You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
