youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize