D3 body, D1 cock
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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