I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
