no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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