i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
