Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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