Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I wear drunk well.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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