i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
