where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
