i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
