I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
